#1,603 Come Here Often?

There’s a surprisingly great date night thing we do every once in a while that I can’t remember if I’ve ever written about here. Sometimes when I meet people who read Make Something Good Today, they tell me it seems like everything is always so wonderful and perfect around here—and I promise they’re not. There are days when I’m so insanely cranky (Ben, Mal and Jim can vouch for me) and misanthropic that I hardly offer more than blunt one-word conversation at dinner, and days when everything just feels all messed up and I don’t know why (hormones) and I feel like crying about it, and days when the 1971 headlights won’t work and the internet won’t either, but I don’t talk about that stuff. Everyone has that stuff. Too much of it. Then some people ask if our marriage is always all sunshine and daisies like it seems, and honestly, most days it really is. And I credit that to this one thing we’re both particularly good at—seeing ourselves through someone else’s eyes, or the way we did when we were brand new.

Today was one of those actually great days where it felt like everything did go right. And you know those days—they’re like… One in a thousand. I had to work late but I didn’t mind because business is great and means staying in the shop past 6. That’s a BIG good thing. Around 7 we had to run an errand to Ellisville and figured, might as well drive 15 more miles and make it a Tabella date night.

And this is where the surprising thing comes in—when we got to the restaurant, we just began, without saying so, to pretend we were on a first date.

And it’s crazy what happens when you try it. You ask questions like, “do you love this restaurant?” or “how was work today?” or “what’s your favorite band?” or “what were your past relationships like?” and if you listen to your spouse answer thoughtfully, just as if you won’t know the answer, and if you answer as if you’re on your very best first date behavior, you’ll probably find yourself thinking what an interesting (and handsome and tall and funny and endearing) person you’re on a date with. I liked when I would ask him something and predict his response to be one thing, and be surprised to find I was wrong when he answered. Like even though I know him better than anyone in the world, there are still parts of his history and ideas I’ve not learned.

It makes me feel giddy when this happens once in a blue moon, when I realize what an incredible person I’m actually with. How if this were a real first date, I’d be crazy about this guy. It would be so obvious that we’re meant to be together. We do this on some level every day, and it keeps us from focusing too much on what irritates us about one another, keeps us from arguing. It’s hard to fight with the guy you’ve had a crazy crush on for 10 years.

I just had to share because I wonder if anyone else does this? And if not, would you?


Monday, May 5th, 2014

Daily Journal

9 thoughts on “#1,603 Come Here Often?

  1. Can I just say that, since a year or so, my day starts with yours? Every morning I log on to your blog, just to see what happened in your life and it's always, ALWAYS a wonderful surprise. Just as an aside.

    Anyway, I try to give me and my boyfriend a datenight every three months or so. And then we go all out: candles, a nice bottle of wine, the TV completely turned off and everything phone- or computer-related far, far away. It always turns into a wonderful evening, but I haven't really had a 'first date'-feeling, or not that I've noticed. I'm kind of jealous now 🙂

    • Awww Camille!! This is the sweetest! I'm glad our little corner of the interweb is part of your day in a positive way. 🙂 Try a first date! It feels silly and fun—you forget about the everyday junk in life!

  2. Hi Erin! Looooved this post. I'm glad you posted the link elsewhere cuz I'm not a regular reader. I think you were 14 when I met you? My new BFF Kels said her little cousin was playing music at a coffee shop and we thought it would be fun to go. And it was! And we played Ani DiFranco for you and begged you to learn some of her stuff.
    I liked your honesty and openness in this post, because I really was under the impression that you and Ben's life was just always perfect. I, and this is me being really honest and perhaps making amends (I'm a new Meg!)…I used to read your various news and updates and go "Ugh. Ughghgh. Too freakin' perfect." So this one just really touched me, cuz new Meg is just so happy and grateful and wants only the happiest..life for everyone.
    KT and I have been close for something like 16 years (not trying to make us feel old but WOW!) I hope she is happy and healthy. And I agree with the earlier comment about feeling closer to my husband when we share things we didn't know about each other. Keep up the awesome posts Erin : )

    • Naaaaaaw gur, it ain't perfect over here! I'm glad you've forgiven me for it anyway. 😉 And so glad we met!

  3. Love this. We don't pretend we're on a first date, but we might just do that soon! 😉 We go to dinner & talk about what the other has done that breathes life into the other & we reminisce of all the lovely things the other has done. It keeps us looking for the sweet things & not the negative. We don't do it near often enough but this made me want one very soon!

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